"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

This morning, Jessica finished her fight here on Earth.  She was at home, and surrounded by family and friends.

Thank you all for your love and support these past two years.  Please continue to keep Jason, Savannah, and Ella in your prayers.

Arrangements are as follows:

Visitation will be Sunday, May 31, 2015 from 4pm-8pm at Mountville United Methodist Church
Funeral will be Monday, June 1, 2015 at 3pm at Mountville United Methodist Church.

Mountville United Methodist Church is located at 4563 Greenville Road, LaGrange, GA 30241.

Flowers may be sent to the Newsome home.

As a memorial for Jessica, a college tuition fund has been set up for the girls.  For more information, please contact the family.

Choosing Not To Be Average

"Choose to not be the average.  Choose to let your faith lead you.  Believe that you will be healed.  Keep the faith.  Keep looking for treatments and trials, and new medicines with us; because, there is only one who knows the time frame of our lives."  These are the words that Jessica's oncologist shared with her shortly after she and Jason returned from MD Anderson in June of 2013.

Life is priceless.  Time is precious.  But, it isn't a matter of seconds, minutes, hours, or even years.  It is a matter of moments.  The moments that we choose to create and hold precious.  When Jessica was diagnosed in April of 2013 we were told we had less than 18 months.  What do doctors know!  We have had 25 months of treasurable moments.

Unfortunately, Jessica's times here on earth is no longer a matter of months or even weeks.  It is now just a matter of time before she leaves for heaven.  Jessica returned home under the care of hospice at the beginning of May.

Jessica loves people.  Having people visiting her brings her great joy.  We want nothing less for her, even now.  We want to make the most of the time she has left.

Thank you to those of you who have come to visit with her and sit beside her.  Please know that you have made her time here on earth a treasure trove of moments.  And, we, her family, thank you.

Checking In...

Friends, 

Checking In - That was the purpose of my appointment on Friday with my oncologist Dr. V. Assikis.  I began a new chemotherapy after discovering that Votrient, my previous chemotherapy was no longer providing the results I needed. 

The past two weeks have been a challenge and after meeting with Dr. A, I realized that I was experiencing a crazy amount of side effects and he was concerned.  The greatest concern he had was the weight loss that occurred in a two week period.  (oh, all those times I wanted to lose weight and I couldn't and now I can't keep it on!) Additionally, there were other small concerns, like; mouth sores, chemotherapy mouth, and my ability to hold down my food (or lack there of!). So, the plan is to stop the chemo for 3-5 days to hopefully stop the side effects. Doing so will allow my body the ability to rest, recuperate, and gain some strength. Then I will start back with one chemotherapy pill dose a day as opposed to the 2 pill dose I was receiving. Ultimately, Dr. Assikis reminded Jason and I that with the new medication he wanted to be able to give me the highest dose possible. To see side effects allows him to make adjustments on the therapy so that it is helping me the most. The most exciting news from our visit was that my blood level was still up - 9.8 and my blood pressure was 125/80. Both good numbers!

But...the saga continues!...The diagnoses this time is an enflamed wisdom tooth! Secondly,Trismus (Sounds a lot like Christmas but it really is just a case of the lock jaw). Combine that with chemo mouth, and mouth sores and things have been a challenge. However, Good ole' Dr. B (and my sweet, sweet Aunt Lisa) have been addressing all of these issues and I am making positive steps in the right direction. We hope that soon my mouth is healthy and well and I will be eating lots! That's the prayer at least! 

And speaking of prayer --- prayers are needed: I need to gain healthy weight. I need to be able to hold down food. Mouth sores need to be completely gone. I would like to be able to open my jaw. I need to consistently consume at least one Ensure a day! And the new chemotherapy WILL be the next solution for this walk. To be honest I could use prayers for physical strength, emotional encouragement, and my family (none of this is easy on them.)

(Side Note) Know that I do not want only to be the recipient of prayers, let me pray for you. I know that prayer works so message me, text, call, comment and l would be honored to bring a prayer before God on YOUR behalf.  We all need prayer and we all need each other, "For God heard the cries of the people and he delivers them from their trouble." - Psalm 34:17

AND --- let me never fail to say: THANK YOU! Thank you for ALL you are each doing to walk with us, help us, and encourage us! We wouldn't make it without you! 

So, thanks for checking in on my Check-Ins and thank you for loving me and mine through the ups and downs. I love you! 

*** I need to leave you with a verse that both encouraged me and made me snicker just a little this week! ***

"Worship the Lord your God and His blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you."

Exodus 23:25 

Well, there you have it -- I am gonna worship the Lord my God and he is gonna bless my food and water and sickness will be taken away. (and they knew that truth back in Exodus!) Thanks be to God! 

I will take that on the side please...

I will take that on the side please...

A chicken fajita roll-up with an extra cup of the sauce, on the side.
Steak, baked potato, broccoli with several slices of lemon, on the side.
Grilled chicken salad, apples, cranberries, with the vinaigrette dressing on the side
                       
On the side, can be an important place to be. It is often a place set aside for something particular, special or specific. Space designated for your enhancements. The extra chipotle ranch is for dipping my fries in, the lemons make broccoli amazingly great and the salad dressing on the side is something I have always done.  Not really sure as to why this is my habit. Perhaps it began in an effort to use less of the dressing but honestly and truthfully I  really have no good reason for such a request. I just say "on the side, please." So, I guess one can semis that to be "on the side" could be for good or enjoyments and yet again, "on the side" could simply be for no reason or no good reason at the very least.

See for yourself...

Side effects include:  

drowsiness, dizziness;
sleep problems (insomnia);mild nausea, gas, heartburn, upset stomach, constipation;weight changes;dry mouth, yawning, ringing in your ears.very stiff (rigid) muscles, high fever, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, tremors, overactive reflexes;feeling unsteady, loss of coordination;headache, trouble concentrating, memory problems, weakness, confusion, hallucinations, fainting, seizure, shallow breathing or breathing that stops;or severe skin reaction -- fever, sore throat, swelling in your face or tongue, burning in your eyes, skin pain, followed by a red or purple skin rash that spreads (especially in the face or upper body) and causes blistering and peeling. 
Less serious side effects may include: (Lesser side effects, HOORAY - are we sure?)Cold symptoms such as stuffy nose, sneezing, sore throat; drowsiness, dizziness, feeling nervous; mild nausea, upset stomach, constipation; increased appetite, weight changes; sleep problems (insomnia); dry mouth.

*Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. 

"Side effects include" is not perhaps a place where anyone wants to be. Because truth be told, being on the side doesn't make everything great. And can you agree with me that it is as if sometimes that the side effects of a prescription sound worse than the condition it is to be managing or even healing. If you want to serve me up a plate of steak with a side of baked potatoes and a caesar salad then bring it on. But if you are serving up some of the side effects above, I can do without. And yet do you know what I get more on the side of...unfortunately...Side Effects.

This is my greatest struggle right now. And if you are one to want to know a "specific request" for prayer - this is my difficulty.   As I have begun both a new medication and a new chemotherapy my body is adjusting.  In my adjusting I am losing calories at a fast pace. I am losing strength and maintain a low blood pressure as just a few of my SIDE effects. Not to mention chemo mouth - which makes eating nearly impossible. And I want everyone to know that I am trying to attack these side effects head on, much like you would attack a good baked potato, or a side of extra dipping sauce. Yet, my body resists.  This is a hard and delicate place to be. According to my General Physician I do not have enough calories in my body to maintain normal functions much less enough calories to do more that just survive and to fight the disease that dictates my sides. 

So when you go out and order anything on the side; when you watch a medical commercial and hear the side effects of a medication that is supposed to help - please think of me! Pray that the side effects of my medication mean a positive increased health and that until I am healed fully of this monster called cancer, may my sides (as in side effects) be small, not difficult or overpowering. Above all may they be fast to be erased! Until that day I pray I can  continue to enjoy all the beautiful things served on the side that  I can and God, He knows he has got the other sides to attend to (mild nausea, upset stomach, decreased appetite, dry mouth, mouth sores, aching muscles, feeling unsteady, low blood pressure!) And with you my friends, we keep praying!  

Emergency Room: UPDATE! We are home!

I once had a sign that hung by my front door that read, "The good thing about living in a small town; is that when you don't know what you're doing someone else does!" And so it is true, as we all know.

However, the town knowing isn't always a bad thing...I want to update everyone ("the town") who has called and text both Jason and myself in the last 24 hours and those who may not already know. We spent some time yesterday at Piedmont Newnan Hospital ER. I have felt tired and weak for over a week as well as battled "chemo mouth" which made it difficult to eat and drink. These side affects seemed normal as I HAVE started the new chemotherapy treatment as well as a new anti-seizure medication.  I simply assumed that I was to have to endure these affects until my body became adjusted to the new regimen.  Wrong!

Yesterday I was quite fatigued and thought an earache might be a culprit to some of my energy loss.   I went to my General Physician for what I thought would be an antibiotics hand out and to my surprise my blood pressure was shockingly very low. Knowing the difficulties I had experienced the past week with side affects the doctor ordered 1 liter of fluids in an attempt to raise my blood pressure and ensure I felt better.  After the fluid was received by blood pressure remained low.  My General Physician determined that I needed to address my antibiotic need (told ya!), could benefit from a mouth wash to aid in battling the chemo mouth, and finally I needed more fluids.

We made it to the Piedmont ER at about 7:00pm last night. Once again, my blood pressure remained low. I received fluids, all my levels were checked and things looked good. Except - I was severely dehydrated. I needed fluids and I needed to eat and drink more. My body is trying hard enough to fight the cancer that it is truly tired. We received last night a restart.

We made it home about 3:00am - slept till 7:00am and now I sit. My instructions have been to watch the blood pressure, don't lift a finger (opps - I'm typing!), and drink and eat A LOT.  So my friends here is how it will go from this moment on...God WILL be my strength and help - ever present; you guys WILL keep the prayers up for God hears the prayers of the faithful and we shall ask and it shall be given and I am gonna try to enjoy eating and drinking and rest, allowing my blood pressure to travel to healthy levels.

So, now we all know. And I am ever grateful to live in a small community that does know what is going on in my life AND because they do - they love, serve, pray, encourage, call and care! And for that I am ever grateful!!!!

Love is louder than cancer

Dear precious blog readers! I am very humbled by the outpouring of your love that is visible in your posts, "likes", calls, cards and phone texts. I want you to know that I have read your posts, seen your shares and your likes. And Jason has filtered phone calls and texts, and shared them with me also. A quote I have saved on my refrigerator door was given to me on an amazing gift and the quote reads, "love is louder than cancer!" And today I have found this to be more true than ever. Your heavenly cries for prayer, your friendly reminders of your presence and helping abilities, your fountains of encouragement and your countless offers to help in anyway: have spoken LOVE LOUDER than Cancer. Thank you. In times when we didn't know what was going on, whether it was 2:00am this morning of 6:30pm this afternoon we knew you all were loving us. We knew you were cheering us on all in the name and will of the Father!

Here then is a medical recap of what is going.
I have had many tests, CAT scan, Chest X-ray, EKG, Urinary Analysis, MRI, and an EEG.  Each of these tests were to seek to answer the questions, and "did I have a seizure?", "and  if so why?" These tests have revealed that there are no cancer metastasis on or in the brain. This is good news! The EEG did reveal seizure activity, but we are still uncertain why.  Further test including a spinal tap will be done this morning in an attempt to give us some answers.  I will receive a second blood transfusion and hope to be discharged this afternoon.  Thank you for the prayers, calls, and text.  I may not be able to respond to each of them but know that I have read each of them and am grateful.  Excited to go home!

Jessica

Answered Prayers and Latest Developments!

Good Evening Friends,

This past Friday morning, at a bright and early 8:45am, Jason and I met with my oncologist, Dr. Assikis. The purpose of the appointment was to take note of my blood levels, address some significant side effects and hopefully to review results from the bone marrow biopsy done four days prior.

Jason and I have shared with many of you that my most recent CAT and Bone Scans have shown stability with no new cancer growths with the bone or on any other organs. While this is still the case, the bone marrow biopsy did provide additional discoveries that were at best, difficult to hear.  I do have visible growth of cancer cells in my bone marrow. As it stands now 2/3 of my bone marrow is bothered with cancer. That then means that 1/3 is left for all other blood functions. This finding answers why I have not been able to produce red blood cells as well as maintain healthy blood levels. But this finding also challenges a peace I had found in "stable". Now, in the words of Dr. Assikis, "we have lost control of the cancer." And all of you who read this and know me, know I like control. I like stable. I like knowing what is to come. I like to plan for it, what ever it is. And the news of cancer growth was not what I had planned for. Well, really none of this since April 2013 is what I had planned for, envisioned, or even saw coming. But here I am Lord, what is next Lord?

This finding of new cancer in the bone marrow combined with the side effects I have recently been experiencing has led Dr. Assikis to make a change to my chemo regimen. With this change in the  chemo prescription and with the modifications of a few medicines Assikis says that "he remains hopeful that now that we have been shown an area of concern as well as determined how to manage side effects that we have the resources to take back control of the cancer." He remains hopeful. 

 Later in the day, I was sitting down at the kitchen table. The girls had not returned home from school yet, so I was soaking up a few minutes of quiet reflection. Thinking about the day's events, I turned to scripture looking for any kind of affirmation, peace, or guidance.  God blessed me with these words from Philippians.  I have not read them with much attention apparently in the past, but today they were blaring off the page. "I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God's provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out of my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as  always Christ will be exalted in my body." (These bold words are for me "feeling" words, they just make me feel what the other words around them are saying.)

And so there you have it...Friday's news was not cool. I am bummed.   BUT -- I will REJOICE for I know that through YOUR prayers and the provision of the Holy Spirit everything that I am going through will one day be made good. I will be physically redeemed. And believe me I eagerly await that happening (some days more than others) and as I wait I will try to be hopeful and never ashamed but instead courageous and bold that Christ may be exalted in my life and the story of my journey. So, here's to today and tomorrow and the many more days to come! And here's to having good days and bad days! And here's to each of you for your faithful companionship, encouragement and love. 

"Now to him, who is able to do immeasurably more than we can think of or imagine, within his will for me..." Ephesians 3:20 

God, come and show off in me! 

Meals are More Than Food

Friends,

Last night our family dinner was wonderful. It was full of sharing, laughter, silliness, good manners, GOOD food, information, conversation, catching up, TOO MUCH food, excitement, joy, and love.  Sitting with my loved ones made my heart swell with love, happiness and hope.

However, the special meal last night had me thinking about the value of a "regular" meal. You know, maybe not that Friday night pizza treat, or Sunday after church feast, but those meals that have to happen to keep families fed, and bodies strong and life going. These "regular" meals seem to happen every night; sometime around 6:00, the children appear famished and desire to eat!

As a wife and mother I understand that the meals my children and husband eat do matter. I mean, they will get hungry every day. And  every day that I can I want to serve my family by providing their evening meal. Not sure why this task has become so important to me, other than I know when a meal is made and family has gathered around the table, memories are made. Surrounded by good food and seated together is when laughter happens, instruction and encouragement are shared, tears can be healed, celebrations happen over good news shared, behavior charts can be good or bad, and over spaghetti or taco a memory is etched in my girl's hearts forever. See why I think meals are more than food!

With that understanding, I want to admit that due to a recent increase in side effects affecting my mobility, daily strength, stamina, and walking, some days preparing a meal for my family has become a challenge. There have been days I have not been able to make the meal that is more than food! I have had to let go of expectations I had given to myself to provide such a service and gift to my family. In doing so, I have been sad. I want my family to eat well and good, I want us to be able to sit around the table and relish about the day, I want my children to try new foods, and enjoy old favorites - but I can no longer always provide that for them. My heart hurt. I just wanted to make a meal for my family; I wanted to feel as if I had served my family faithfully in this small way.

And then God moved! Friends began to re- ask me how they could love on our family and help me. I quickly realized that "yes", family meals were one important aspect of my life where I needed and would cherish the help.  A call came and church members and friends offered to serve our family by providing weekday dinners. Those who love us (YOU - who are reading this!) were wanting to help in a tangible way and many have already signed up or brought meals already. And I want each of you to fully understand, the food you have prepared has been fantastic. We are being spoiled! Desserts, casseroles, pot roast, homemade goodies galore. It has been a gift. But what many who have and were or are willing to prepare a meal for my family to enjoy on weekday nights,  is that while a human physical need of my family is met by your meal, you also give this mama's heart joy. You give an assurance to me that I don't have to do it all. Your meals show my girls that our friends and church family love us and will always be present for them. This they will need in latter years to and in some perhaps even soon - you have just planted early seeds. Your meals keep my hard-working, truly good husband a break from having to fill-in when I can't. With your meals you show love. You show care. You show help. You and your meal show us Jesus! Thank you!  Your meals have been more than food!!!

To continue to help out by providing meals, or if you haven't had the chance to sign up yet check out this link and sign up. (www.takethemameal.com - you will need a login name (shocker! It is Newsome) and the password is 2015). www.takethemameal.com And a big shout out to Angela Chambers for getting the online schedule started! You are awesome!  We look forward to seeing each of you at our house door, with your sacrificial goodies!
Thank you again. I am blessed.

With all my love - Jessica

A Gift for You...

* Friends I wrote this blog over two weeks ago. I thought to myself many times, "WHO WANTS TO READ THIS??" And yet I have had three people come into my house and speak to the sign I mention below. I took this as a prompt to share my thoughts with you. Today is also happened to be a good reminder to me. Please read and may God speak to your heart, encourage you and comfort you. My love to you all! 

As I sit on the couch in my living room and write to each of you tonight I have a perfect shot of a sign that I recently purchased at a yard sale. It reads, “Everyday is a gift.” Let me say that again “Every day is a gift.”

You mean, the days I wake up with neck muscles aching, and legs tingling – these are gifts. You mean the days I wake up with cancer pain and a nauseous stomach – these are gifts. You mean the days that children test boundaries and I want to change my name from “Mommy” to something else – these are gifts. You mean the days the bills come in and I wonder how we will pay for this one – these are gifts. You mean the days friends call me with heartaches to share and my heart breaks with them – these are gifts? YES!

The days I hear the girls sing a praise hymn while playing with horses  - Are these days gifts? The days I am pain free and able to cook dinner for my family – Are these days are gifts? The days that the sun shines beautifully on the leaves –  Are these days are gifts? The days friends call and share laughter – Are these days are gifts? The days we make a memory that will last a lifetime –Are these days gifts? YES!

Yes – each and every day is a gift. For God’s word reminds me, “Every good and perfect gift comes from above.” – James 1:17 Every day is a gift from above. Every day is an opportunity for a new fresh start. Every day is an opportunity for new hope, new healing, love, grace, forgiveness, and joy! Scripture also says that our God desires for us to have “life and have it abundantly.” May we all seek to remember that every day on this earth, good, bad, or hard – are each gifts from God.  We are to enjoy each day to the fullest. Take time to make memories, see the small stuff, notice that the world is beautiful and your family even more so! “Today is the day the Lord has made,” – no matter the circumstances! “let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Today I rejoice and am glad --- for those that have not heard, my most recent cancer scan came back with some great news and not so great news. GREAT NEWS first --- ALL glory and honor and praise goes to God the father for there are no new cancer tumors! And those present have shrunk any where from 10-70%. Additionally the mass around the kidney looks sloppy! Which is good. Bad news, or not so great news is that I have a fracture on the L3 vertebrae of my spine.  This fracture is more than likely the result of weak bones due to the cancer. We are in conversation about what is next for this concern. It is painful and is the culprit of some hard days. But, each day is a gift. You all are gifts to me. And we will face this obstacle and the remaining cancer as we have thus far. With the power of prayer, the belief in a miracle, with love and support and God will do a good work!

Please know I pray for each of you and while I am perhaps the worst blogger (I never blog and they are always too long)! I am grateful for each of you. For your support and your love. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I am still fighting a mighty disease. We still have bills to pay but are down my income. We still have to figure out how to address the fracture. And we have to meet the prayers of my girls every night – “Lord, make my mommy better.”

Remember today is a gift. A gift I am thankful to share it with each of you! Thank  you for being a part of this journey. LOVE to each of you.

Jess

This life is not for the weak!

I was told this week by a sweet and spiritually strong friend that this life is not for the weak. She herself recovering from a small medical procedure was speaking to her journey of healing and the difficulties she had faced. But, how true! Life here on this earth IS NOT for the weak. In fact it can often be difficult, scary, unknown, lonely, disappointing, challenging, saddening, and overwhelming. Now, I know and do not take for granted that life on this earth can also be exciting, joyous, blessed, beautiful and so much more. But, let's be honest, sometimes life is just hard! Point blank, its more difficult than we want it to be, more stressful than we need, more sad than we ever would want and more scary than the best haunted house. Finances, health concerns, family relationships, work, school, raising a family, managing a business, chauffeuring children, taking care of aging parents, doctor's appointments, and telemarketers all insure that life is hard. (well, maybe not telemarketers, really - but they have annoyed me lately! :) )

Life for me the past six months has been hard. It has required extreme prayer, lots of encouragement, family and friend support, many doctor visits, and did I mention lots of prayer. Six months ago I was diagnosed. Six months ago I was forced to think about things I thought I could think about later in life. Six months ago I was crushed, scared, and overwhelmed. Six months ago my body was consumed with pain. Six months ago, I did not know what the future would hold. But, just as life has been hard, God has been so good.

I am ever grateful as we have reached this six month mark that God created each of you. Because life has been hard. But, you have quickly come to my side, prayed for my healing, held a fundraiser, bought a t-shirt, raffle ticket, bumper sticker, bbq plate or a cross, fed my family, offered gifts of your finances, called me, sent me a card, text the prayer pager, stopped by for a visit, or sent me a Facebook post. And in each of these gifts of your love I have been encouraged, strengthened, and loved. I have been reminded that while life is hard, God is so good. God is my provider, my strength, my hope, my peace, my comforter, my love. Someone said to me a few weeks ago, "How did you get loved so quickly by so many?" And while I truly do not know the answer to that question I am ever grateful first and foremost that I have a God who loves me and who in my weaknesses makes me strong. Second, I am grateful for the love of Christ that has been shared by each of you. I am truly, truly, humbled that you have loved me in my hardest time. Thank you.

I am currently on a second chemo treatment. The first choice of an IV drug administered weekly was a difficult drug. It was hard on my body, and was not proving to slow down or stop the cancer growth. However, this second treatment is a three pill regimen each day. With it (and the power of God and your prayers!) I have felt stronger, and been enabled, managed pain and had the opportunity to "do" more.  In fact, our family has been to the beach for a week of fun, restoration and memory making (thank you to the angels that made that possible!) Because I have felt so well, Ella and I have each day together and we have made more messes and memories than I would have before my diagnosis. Savannah and I love to visit the pool as often as we can, and we as a family are planning more opportunities of travel and memory making! Not to mention that in three days I am headed back to the beach for an all girls weekend! Can you say fun!?!?!  All because I am feeling better. (Thanks be to God!) The plan for the future is for me to remain on the pain regimen I am on and to continue on this chemo drug until it no longer provides me with positive results AND, last but not least --- to keep making memories with my loved ones! Physical results will be gaged with a PET scan. A date has not been set for the next PET scan, however I assume it will be in the next four to six weeks. The memory making will be gaged by pictures and smiles you will see on Facebook!

So, keep the prayers coming. Know that I am grateful for each of you. I am thankful for the gift of life and for six months of living with cancer. And I am not taking for granted one day. I have learned in this  journey that we need to slow down, make memories (because they are what last), laugh more, take pictures, print the pictures, put the pictures on display, hold hands more often, tell people you love them, and hang on! Cause life is hard, but God is good. And I pray that as each of you journey in this life that when life is hard you will see the goodness of God and know that I am thinking of you, praying on your behalf and trusting that God will see you through. Cause life may be hard, but God is good.

Love and Thanks for each of you - Jessica
PS. I promise to keep the blog updated better in the future!

Bracelets of Emotions

When we went to MD Anderson in Houston, they had counselors available to help parents and grandparents talk to children about their family member having cancer.  They gave us some great resources and an age appropriate book bag for each of the children.  In Misty, Jesse, and Justin’s bag was a stuffed animal to cuddle with and talk to, a treasure box to paint and put all their good memories in and emotion bracelets.  There are five bracelets.  There is a yellow one.  On the outside of it is a smiley face on the inside is written the word happy.  The red one has a heart and the word loved.  Blue has a tear and the word sad.  Worried is convey with a cloud and is on the green.  And a lightning bolt and the word angry on are the black bracelet.

Today we sat down with the children and explained that Jessica’s cancer has gotten worse.  That the medicine is not working.  They asked questions and you could see their eyes redden and tears begin to collect in them.  (I once told Jesse I could tell what he was feeling by the way his eyes changed.  He immediately went to the mirror and looked in it opening his eyes wider and turning his head this way and that way to examine them.  Finally he turned to me and said, ”My eyes didn’t change they are still the same color.”  LOL! He is so literal.)  You could see the emotions in their eyes as they flooded their hearts, minds, and souls.   

I explained to them that the bracelets were a way for them to share how they were feeling.   So I asked them to put on the bracelet that represented what they were feeling right now.  Jesse sat there and played with them but couldn’t decide what color to put on, what he was feeling.  Finally he choose black, anger.   A tear drop of sadness was Misty’s choice; but, Justin he put on green, blue, black and red.   I laughed and explained once again the purpose of the bracelets and told him to put on the one that said what he felt.  He looked at me with teary eyes and said,” I feel all of these things except the yellow one.  It is happy and I don’t feel happy right now.” Worried, angry, sad and loved!  A mix of emotions. 

Cancer is a devastating disease, not just for the toll it takes on a person physically; but, the emotional and spiritual stress it creates on a whole dynamic of family and friends is overwhelming.  A crisis or stress of any kind can do that.  It seems to bring out the best and the worst in people.  Not worst in the sense of mean or bad; but worse as in it seems to intensify everyone’s emotions.  Worry, angry, sadness, frustration, fear, doubt, and love are all amplified and mixed together.

We all had sensed Jessica wasn’t getting better.  She was still losing weight and still needed blood every two weeks, still feeling sick and nauseated.  We just didn’t want to hear this week’s report.   The disease has continued to progress.  The tumor in her kidney has grown by about 15% and there are spots on her liver and on her lung.  We had thought the medications were doing their job of slowing down the cancer and maybe it did.  But, the cancer is still every active and aggressive in her body.  Worried, angry, sad, frustrated, fearful, doubt……and love.

For years we have worked with Justin to teach him social skills, to understand emotions and feelings.  And now he understands them perhaps even better than we do.  We are a mix of emotions and fears even as we try to move forward and live life in a time of uncertainty.  Perhaps Jessica said it best, “Our God turned water into wine and fed thousand with some crackers and wine.  Let His will be with my life.  God is in control and I am confident He loves and cares for me in a mighty way.”  Loved.

We are loved, loved by God, loved by each other, loved by family, loved by friends and loved by the church.  And when nothing else can express what we are really feeling, when nothing else can convey our hope and confidence it is His love.  Love conquers all.  You are loved!

¹⁶  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in
him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

John 3:16 (NIV)

Good News or Bad News?

Jessica and Jason made it to Augusta today.  It was challenging getting started; but ,Jessica did relatively well traveling that far.  Hopefully, this means she will be able to make some other trips soon like to the beach and to Walt Disney World.  While the news today wasn’t exactly the news we wanted, there was some good news.  The trial will not benefit Jessica.  They are doing everything they can for her.  There is no new growth. So is that the good news or the bad news? In life there are things that seem like good news and things that seem like bad news.  We judge situations and circumstances from our limited perspective of the moment.  

I went into labor early.  We had looked forward with excitement to the day; but, we hadn’t expected it to be so soon.  I was only 34 weeks.  It was probably just Braxton Hick’s contractions.  I had had them a few weeks before; but, being first time parents we rushed to the obstetrician's office.  The doctor smiled and sent us home no need to worry they are just Braxton Hicks.  Real contractions will grow closer and closer together and won’t stop. 



Jessica is the one on the left.  At this point she was several months
older than the newborn on the right

We stayed up all night timing the contractions.  They were fifteen minutes apart, ten minute, twenty minutes, five minutes, thirty minutes. So, is that good news or bad news?   Finally in the early morning hours exhaustion drove us deep into sleep.  We slept through the alarm clock and woke up five minutes before my husband was supposed to be at work.  Bad news.  He rushed around throwing on clothes, muttering under his breath.  “Well, at least we made it through the night,” he said as he grabbed his lunch and dashed out the door.  I waddle toward the bathroom and just as I heard the door slam shut my water broke!!  Good news or bad news?

This was before cell phones so I yelled out for my husband to come back like he could hear me from a block away.  I waddled my way back to the bedroom and picked up the phone and called his work.  “Is Gene there yet?”  Duh, of course not, he just left and we lived 15 minutes away.  I calmly told his boss….“TELL HIM HIS WIFE IS IN LABOR AND TO GET BACK HOME NOW!!!!” 

Jessica was born six weeks early.  She was in respiratory distress.  The doctors were not sure if she would make it.  We could send her to a neo natal intensive care unit in Columbus that could treat her; but, she might not survive the trip.  Good news or bad news? For five hours they worked with her to stabilize her enough to transport her.  Finally, her father, a specialized nursing care team and Jessica boarded a helicopter and were transported to Columbus.  

She had a traumatic and difficult beginning.  She suffered and almost didn’t make it.  Her lungs were under developed.  She was on a respirator.  They shaved off all her beautiful hair (which didn’t grow out again until she two years old.  We had to glue ribbons on her head so people would know she was a girl.)  Good news or bad news? 

Looking back on it now I am struck by the realization of how blessed we were.  There was a specialty nursing team available.  Fort Benning was not in the middle of maneuvers and so they provided a helicopter team for FREE to transport the team and Jessica. (We never could have afforded to have paid for the trip.) Did that mean everything was perfect?  No.  Jessica had numerous health issues over the years that may have had something to do with her premature birth perhaps even her cancer now.  Who knows?  But God was with us giving us strength, hope and wisdom. 

We live in a society addicted to bad news.  Newspapers, news stations, magazine shows feed off of bad news.  Even our weather reports are fashioned around the possibility of bad weather… “And now, Action News SEVERE Weather Team.  Today it is going to be sunny 76 degrees with a cool breeze”  Severe Weather really?!?! While bad news seems to “keep people’s attention and make advertisers dollars,” bad news leaves God out of the picture.  Bad news promotes fear. Good news promotes faith.

Today we got good news!  Jessica is on the right medication regime for her cancer.  We have done everything we can to be sure that it is the right treatment.  It is doing what it is supposed to do. We have faith that through it all no matter what happens God will be with us.  He will give us strength. He will give us His wisdom.   We have His Hope!.  And, we are going to focus on that!

Bad news or good news?  It is a matter of choice.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8

 

Building a Bridge of Hope

For Father's day, Jessica and her brother, Chad, decided to give their dad a beautiful Thomas Kinkade print.  Not an original painting mind you, (holy mackerel the price for one of those is more than our annual salaries); but, a beautifully framed limited edition artist proof. The week of Father's Day, Jessica was in the hospital so Chad went to pick it out.  As he walked around the gallery he found an Elvis Presley's Graceland painting.  He considered purchasing it.  His father is a huge Elvis fan. (I mean huge!  Our dog is named Elvis and Gene listens to the Elvis radio station ALL the time.)  Thankfully, it wasn't available!

Then he spotted "The Bridge of Hope."   It is from Kinkade's Bridges of  Inspiration collection.  Thomas Kinkade writes:

        The Bridge Of Hope is as stable as the massive granite flagstones that form
        its arch and will stand for as long as the quicksilver brook rolls down from
        the hills beneath it. A magnificent white dogwood, symbol of the purity of
        God's grace, shades the bridge. Its over-arching boughs remind us that, while
        we stand on the Bridge Of Hope, we are enshrouded by the loving embrace
        of our creator.

 

 

Instantly he knew it was the right one.  You see, what many of you may not know is that this has been an extremely challenging year for our family not just because of Jessica's illness.  In January, Jessica's father, Gene, was diagnosed with Early On Set Alzheimer's.  Later that month her sister, who still lives at home, had to have surgery.  In February, Gene had to have emergency neck surgery and we had to cancel a mission trip.  In March Jessica was in the Hospital, April she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Renal Cell Cancer, June she was in Houston and July she was back in the hospital in Newnan.(We have decided to skip August, September, and October!)

We have a very strong faith; but, life has a way of piling up.  There are more days at the end of the month than money.  You need a root canal and tooth implant.  Your boss just brought you in a project that is due in a week and you are suppose to go on vacation tomorrow.  The car is making a noise.  The kids are making noise.  The dishwasher has sprung a leak. The in laws are coming this weekend.  You are late leaving work and your kids have a ball game in twenty minutes.  Your parent's health is failing and you are beginning to wonder if they might have to move in with you.  And so it goes on and on and on....  You keep looking for a break but there doesn't ever seem to be one.  You try to find a way around the challenges until you realize the only way is to "get over it."  But, the "stuff" is so deep you would need a bridge, a bridge of Hope!

As I look at the painting it seems as if the brook begins in the clouds. It moves slowly and gently down the mountain as the light of God dances across it.   Ezekiel 47 says a stream of living water flows out from under the altar.  I imagine this stream beginning in the hands of God flowing out from under altar through the church and out into the world, growing in abundance as it moves.  It is lined by beauty as flowers blossom in vibrant colors.  Trees spring forth with graceful drooping leaves.  The pathway to the bridge shimmers with the golden light of God's love and it leads right up to the bridge.  The bridge arches over the tumbling stream to a place of promise and hope. 

We all need a bridge of hope, a person of Hope. "He is my safe place and my tower of strength: he is my God, in whom is my hope." Psalm 91:2   Hope is not wishful thinking.  It is confident trust.  We trust God! But, life has been getting in it's licks and we needed something to anchor us. To show us the shimmer of God's grace in our lives right now.  To show us that God is still working for a favorable outcome.  And, we may have found it this week!

Jessica's doctor has identified a drug trial for Jessica.  A drug trial is the concluding stages of the testing of a new drug regime for a specific treatment. In the trial, typically, there are two groups of patients.  Both groups receive the standard treatment.  One group of patients in addition receive the new drug regime.  The other group receives a placebo. (It is a necessary way of evaluating the real potential for a new medication.)  This trial in particular has already been going on for a little while and is showing great promise in treating and SHRINKING advanced renal cells.  This may be our bridge of hope. Jessica and Jason will be going to Augusta for an interview and evaluation to see if she qualifies for the program on July 24. If she qualifies she will be put on a waiting list.

You have been asking what you could do to help.  Here it is!  PRAY for this visit.  Pray that she will qualify. Pray that she will not have to wait to start the program.  Pray that she will get the medication and not the placebo.  Pray that it is a success! 

God answers prayers. He has and is answering our prayers.  We are thankful for all that He has already done for us and are confident He is continuing to work for us building a bridge of Hope.  He is building one for you too.  You will find it first in His word and in His presence. And in the people He has placed around you to "enshroud" you with His loving embrace.  Thank you for embracing us with His hope!

In the Hands of the Great Physician

Written by Jessica

This week Jason and I ended a thirteen day stay at the hospital. During our time there we encountered numerous doctors and nurses, techs, house keepers, pharmacists, charge nurses and support care staff. Each had their role and task in our care. They each used their skills and abilities to care for my needs. Doctors often consulted together; nurses dispensed medicines; techs cuffed me for blood pressure and kept the famous pink hospital jug filled with ice.

Now, no one role was more or less important in my care. Ultimately, each working together created a regimen that is managing my symptoms. For medical care I am truly grateful. Thirteen days was certainly tiring, frustrating and overwhelming, not to mention I missed my girlies. I have to remember though that we are blessed to be able to receive care and medicine as modes of healing and wellness. I am so excited to be home having had my medical needs meet. And I am grateful for the medical professionals who helped make that possible.

During my hospital stay I was also comforted by the sustaining verses found in Exodus 15:26 where God says, "I am the Lord who heals you," and Jeremiah 30:17, "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds."  With these powerful words from scripture I recognize that while medical professionals have been gifted with knowledge and abilities to bring healing and while they have offered me care, (healing, wellness,) they are not the ultimate Healer, The Great Physician, or The Curer of of all Disease. 

In a recent conversation I with Dr. Assikis (our physician at Peachtree Oncology), his assistant, and Jason, I boldly asked the doctor a harsh question, one I thought I wanted to know the answer to. "For a person in my condition, for the stage of cancer that I am in, what is the life expectancy?" I anticipated lots of different numbers, 4 years, 3 years, 2 years. But, the answer was, "six to eighteen months." WHAT! The wind was blown out of me, the tears came deeply from within and my heart was burdened in deep chocking pain. Six months  to a year and a half, that's it. I know my cancer is aggressive. I know I am stage 4. I know that at this point tumors have not begun to shrink (while there doesn't appear to be any new ones (Praise GOD!)) I know that there is not a cure for Renal Cell Carcinoma. But a six months to a year and a half, that's all?

This is not fair. How can this be? Lord, are you sure? My doctor quickly reminded me that this is the average person. He said to me, "Choose to not be the average. Choose to let your faith lead you. Believe that you will be healed.  Keep the faith. Keep looking for treatments and trials, and new medicines with us; because, there is only one who knows the time frame of our lives."  And, Dr. Assiskis humbled admitted, "And I am not him!"

I have struggled the past few weeks with this new knowledge. Six months,  Twelve months, 365 days, 4,380 hours, 262,800 minutes, millions of precious moments, but, that’s not much time to make and save up a life time of memories that I want, that I thought I would have. I just knew I would prom dress shop with Savannah and Ella. I would hate their first boyfriends, and discipline them for their first speeding ticket. I would plan the most grandest of weddings. I would travel with Jason. We would grow old and fat together. And now, now, you are telling me my life expectancy is six months to a year and a half. What do I do with this knowledge?

How do I live in the reality of medical knowledge and the diagnosis of a doctor and yet in my faith and belief in miracles and healing and "All things are possible with my God?" Let me humbly admit that I am scared. I am mad. I am sad. I am overwhelmed. I feel alone and I wonder if I really have enough faith.If I have a only six months to a year, then you know, I want a plan. How can I do everything I thought I would have a lifetime to do in a year? But, what if I have more than a year?

God is a God of miracles...He is the Great Physician, I could be the above average person, I might not be the above average person. How do I not think every day, this could be the last time I do this? or that? How do I manage the feelings of despair I feel when Savannah asks me, "If I will teach her to drive when she is 15?" and I know the answer is no. Oh, I have so much to work through and to consider. What knowledge do I cling to, medical knowledge of trained professionals, or with faith that maybe they are wrong?!?!?

 As I have debated these questions I am reminded of the lyrics of a wonderful Casting Crowns song, "Already There."

From where I'm standing
Lord, it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me

I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are going to play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory

'Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

And so in the midst of all my questions, in the reality of knowing I have a six months to a year and a half to live according to all medical knowledge and with faith in the Greatest Physician I am trying to remain trusting and thankful for a loving, omnipotent God who can see further than I can and who can and will "work all things together for my good." (Romans 8:28) I will trust that all the chaos will come together in His hands like a masterpiece.

As I do just that, I ask that you pray for me. For Jason and the girls, for my family and friends. We all are trying to process what we know in our heads and hearts. Support us please with your prayers, presence and love. I do not know what the future will hold, but I do know I am choosing to try to live abundantly, for my God has called me to to such! I will spend every moment I can with friends and family. I want to go out to dinners with friends. I want to go to a Braves game, I want to stay at the beach for a week. I want to take the girls to the Coca Cola museum, the Aquarium, Wild Animal Safari. I want to travel somewhere for a a romantic weekend with my husband. I want to eat chips and dip until I can't eat anymore. I want to be with friends. I want to worship with my family. I want to spend every moment I can with loved ones and friends.

Join me in this journey of a lifetime! I love you all and can't wait to make some wonderful memories with each of you. Call me!! Invite me! or I'll track you down! Pray with me and for me, encourage me, love my family, and together may we conquer whatever tomorrow holds.

The Nausea of the Ebbs and Flows

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz! Oh, what a relief it is!  What a relief it is to have Jessica back home; but as you have probably been reading on the Facebook page she isn’t getting any relief.  She is in the hospital with terrible stomach issues.  This has been going on now for five days and it has taken a major toll on Jessica’s system.  Her electrolytes are all out of whack (that is an official medical term used by her doctor).  Her phosphate, magnesium and potassium levels have been extremely low.  Her hemoglobin has dropped and they have given her two units of blood.  She is malnourished and extremely weak. 

It is hard to know if this is the result of an infection or chemotherapy.  Either way she is extremely sick and miserable.  There are many times in life when we are sick and tired of circumstances and absolutely totally unhappy.  During those times you just want to give up.  Throw the towel in and walk away. And there are days even Jessica feels that way.  But life isn’t based in circumstances.  Or at least it shouldn’t be!

Misty and Savannah chasing the waves. 

Life rests in the hands of the creator and it is a series of ebbs and flows.   The phrase ebbs and flows originates from the movement of the tide as it races in and then recedes back, as it rises and falls.  It is kind of like taking two steps forward and one step back or some days taking one step forward and two steps back.  In the context of life it speaks to the resilience of a person who not just survives but thrives through extremely difficult times and when everything seems to be working out right, through all the ebbs and flow of life. 

Jessica is resilient but only because of whose hands she rests in.  It is there that she finds real peace.  Not that God is going to make everything easy just because we prayed.  But because she knows he is still in control of the white caped waters of the sea that threatens to drown her.  Sometimes the crash of the waves is deafening but there is still a peaceful rhythm to them that washes away the dirt and despair of the seashore.  In the whirling of the wind is the sound of God’s voice calling out to us to remind us the power of the wave is weak in comparison to His power and might. 

 

Told you I have ridden the waves!

God is stronger more powerful than the mightiest wave, more commanding and potent than cancer. And just when you think that a hurricane wave of life is about to crash over you, you realize that in it is God’s love and grace washing over you, cleansing you, filling those empty places of despair.  How do I know?  Because, I have been swamped by the waves of life.  I have felt like I was drowning and to feel His power holding me up.  I have been strengthened by His love through people like you.  I have rested and cried in His arms.
If you feel you are being tossed about by the waves of life stop.  Don’t let them make you miserable and sick to your stomach.  Quit looking down.  Flip over on your back.  Float! Quit fighting life and look up to the creator.  He will teach you to ride the waves! 

Matthew 8:24-26 (NIV)
²⁴  Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. ²⁵  The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" ²⁶  He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the

 winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

 

P.S. We thank you in advance for your understanding but currently Jessica is too sick for visitors.  We will let you know when she is ready to receive guests.