I was told this week by a sweet and spiritually strong friend that this life is not for the weak. She herself recovering from a small medical procedure was speaking to her journey of healing and the difficulties she had faced. But, how true! Life here on this earth IS NOT for the weak. In fact it can often be difficult, scary, unknown, lonely, disappointing, challenging, saddening, and overwhelming. Now, I know and do not take for granted that life on this earth can also be exciting, joyous, blessed, beautiful and so much more. But, let's be honest, sometimes life is just hard! Point blank, its more difficult than we want it to be, more stressful than we need, more sad than we ever would want and more scary than the best haunted house. Finances, health concerns, family relationships, work, school, raising a family, managing a business, chauffeuring children, taking care of aging parents, doctor's appointments, and telemarketers all insure that life is hard. (well, maybe not telemarketers, really - but they have annoyed me lately! :) )
Life for me the past six months has been hard. It has required extreme prayer, lots of encouragement, family and friend support, many doctor visits, and did I mention lots of prayer. Six months ago I was diagnosed. Six months ago I was forced to think about things I thought I could think about later in life. Six months ago I was crushed, scared, and overwhelmed. Six months ago my body was consumed with pain. Six months ago, I did not know what the future would hold. But, just as life has been hard, God has been so good.
I am ever grateful as we have reached this six month mark that God created each of you. Because life has been hard. But, you have quickly come to my side, prayed for my healing, held a fundraiser, bought a t-shirt, raffle ticket, bumper sticker, bbq plate or a cross, fed my family, offered gifts of your finances, called me, sent me a card, text the prayer pager, stopped by for a visit, or sent me a Facebook post. And in each of these gifts of your love I have been encouraged, strengthened, and loved. I have been reminded that while life is hard, God is so good. God is my provider, my strength, my hope, my peace, my comforter, my love. Someone said to me a few weeks ago, "How did you get loved so quickly by so many?" And while I truly do not know the answer to that question I am ever grateful first and foremost that I have a God who loves me and who in my weaknesses makes me strong. Second, I am grateful for the love of Christ that has been shared by each of you. I am truly, truly, humbled that you have loved me in my hardest time. Thank you.
I am currently on a second chemo treatment. The first choice of an IV drug administered weekly was a difficult drug. It was hard on my body, and was not proving to slow down or stop the cancer growth. However, this second treatment is a three pill regimen each day. With it (and the power of God and your prayers!) I have felt stronger, and been enabled, managed pain and had the opportunity to "do" more. In fact, our family has been to the beach for a week of fun, restoration and memory making (thank you to the angels that made that possible!) Because I have felt so well, Ella and I have each day together and we have made more messes and memories than I would have before my diagnosis. Savannah and I love to visit the pool as often as we can, and we as a family are planning more opportunities of travel and memory making! Not to mention that in three days I am headed back to the beach for an all girls weekend! Can you say fun!?!?! All because I am feeling better. (Thanks be to God!) The plan for the future is for me to remain on the pain regimen I am on and to continue on this chemo drug until it no longer provides me with positive results AND, last but not least --- to keep making memories with my loved ones! Physical results will be gaged with a PET scan. A date has not been set for the next PET scan, however I assume it will be in the next four to six weeks. The memory making will be gaged by pictures and smiles you will see on Facebook!
So, keep the prayers coming. Know that I am grateful for each of you. I am thankful for the gift of life and for six months of living with cancer. And I am not taking for granted one day. I have learned in this journey that we need to slow down, make memories (because they are what last), laugh more, take pictures, print the pictures, put the pictures on display, hold hands more often, tell people you love them, and hang on! Cause life is hard, but God is good. And I pray that as each of you journey in this life that when life is hard you will see the goodness of God and know that I am thinking of you, praying on your behalf and trusting that God will see you through. Cause life may be hard, but God is good.
Love and Thanks for each of you - Jessica
PS. I promise to keep the blog updated better in the future!
