A Gift for You...

* Friends I wrote this blog over two weeks ago. I thought to myself many times, "WHO WANTS TO READ THIS??" And yet I have had three people come into my house and speak to the sign I mention below. I took this as a prompt to share my thoughts with you. Today is also happened to be a good reminder to me. Please read and may God speak to your heart, encourage you and comfort you. My love to you all! 

As I sit on the couch in my living room and write to each of you tonight I have a perfect shot of a sign that I recently purchased at a yard sale. It reads, “Everyday is a gift.” Let me say that again “Every day is a gift.”

You mean, the days I wake up with neck muscles aching, and legs tingling – these are gifts. You mean the days I wake up with cancer pain and a nauseous stomach – these are gifts. You mean the days that children test boundaries and I want to change my name from “Mommy” to something else – these are gifts. You mean the days the bills come in and I wonder how we will pay for this one – these are gifts. You mean the days friends call me with heartaches to share and my heart breaks with them – these are gifts? YES!

The days I hear the girls sing a praise hymn while playing with horses  - Are these days gifts? The days I am pain free and able to cook dinner for my family – Are these days are gifts? The days that the sun shines beautifully on the leaves –  Are these days are gifts? The days friends call and share laughter – Are these days are gifts? The days we make a memory that will last a lifetime –Are these days gifts? YES!

Yes – each and every day is a gift. For God’s word reminds me, “Every good and perfect gift comes from above.” – James 1:17 Every day is a gift from above. Every day is an opportunity for a new fresh start. Every day is an opportunity for new hope, new healing, love, grace, forgiveness, and joy! Scripture also says that our God desires for us to have “life and have it abundantly.” May we all seek to remember that every day on this earth, good, bad, or hard – are each gifts from God.  We are to enjoy each day to the fullest. Take time to make memories, see the small stuff, notice that the world is beautiful and your family even more so! “Today is the day the Lord has made,” – no matter the circumstances! “let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Today I rejoice and am glad --- for those that have not heard, my most recent cancer scan came back with some great news and not so great news. GREAT NEWS first --- ALL glory and honor and praise goes to God the father for there are no new cancer tumors! And those present have shrunk any where from 10-70%. Additionally the mass around the kidney looks sloppy! Which is good. Bad news, or not so great news is that I have a fracture on the L3 vertebrae of my spine.  This fracture is more than likely the result of weak bones due to the cancer. We are in conversation about what is next for this concern. It is painful and is the culprit of some hard days. But, each day is a gift. You all are gifts to me. And we will face this obstacle and the remaining cancer as we have thus far. With the power of prayer, the belief in a miracle, with love and support and God will do a good work!

Please know I pray for each of you and while I am perhaps the worst blogger (I never blog and they are always too long)! I am grateful for each of you. For your support and your love. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I am still fighting a mighty disease. We still have bills to pay but are down my income. We still have to figure out how to address the fracture. And we have to meet the prayers of my girls every night – “Lord, make my mommy better.”

Remember today is a gift. A gift I am thankful to share it with each of you! Thank  you for being a part of this journey. LOVE to each of you.

Jess

This life is not for the weak!

I was told this week by a sweet and spiritually strong friend that this life is not for the weak. She herself recovering from a small medical procedure was speaking to her journey of healing and the difficulties she had faced. But, how true! Life here on this earth IS NOT for the weak. In fact it can often be difficult, scary, unknown, lonely, disappointing, challenging, saddening, and overwhelming. Now, I know and do not take for granted that life on this earth can also be exciting, joyous, blessed, beautiful and so much more. But, let's be honest, sometimes life is just hard! Point blank, its more difficult than we want it to be, more stressful than we need, more sad than we ever would want and more scary than the best haunted house. Finances, health concerns, family relationships, work, school, raising a family, managing a business, chauffeuring children, taking care of aging parents, doctor's appointments, and telemarketers all insure that life is hard. (well, maybe not telemarketers, really - but they have annoyed me lately! :) )

Life for me the past six months has been hard. It has required extreme prayer, lots of encouragement, family and friend support, many doctor visits, and did I mention lots of prayer. Six months ago I was diagnosed. Six months ago I was forced to think about things I thought I could think about later in life. Six months ago I was crushed, scared, and overwhelmed. Six months ago my body was consumed with pain. Six months ago, I did not know what the future would hold. But, just as life has been hard, God has been so good.

I am ever grateful as we have reached this six month mark that God created each of you. Because life has been hard. But, you have quickly come to my side, prayed for my healing, held a fundraiser, bought a t-shirt, raffle ticket, bumper sticker, bbq plate or a cross, fed my family, offered gifts of your finances, called me, sent me a card, text the prayer pager, stopped by for a visit, or sent me a Facebook post. And in each of these gifts of your love I have been encouraged, strengthened, and loved. I have been reminded that while life is hard, God is so good. God is my provider, my strength, my hope, my peace, my comforter, my love. Someone said to me a few weeks ago, "How did you get loved so quickly by so many?" And while I truly do not know the answer to that question I am ever grateful first and foremost that I have a God who loves me and who in my weaknesses makes me strong. Second, I am grateful for the love of Christ that has been shared by each of you. I am truly, truly, humbled that you have loved me in my hardest time. Thank you.

I am currently on a second chemo treatment. The first choice of an IV drug administered weekly was a difficult drug. It was hard on my body, and was not proving to slow down or stop the cancer growth. However, this second treatment is a three pill regimen each day. With it (and the power of God and your prayers!) I have felt stronger, and been enabled, managed pain and had the opportunity to "do" more.  In fact, our family has been to the beach for a week of fun, restoration and memory making (thank you to the angels that made that possible!) Because I have felt so well, Ella and I have each day together and we have made more messes and memories than I would have before my diagnosis. Savannah and I love to visit the pool as often as we can, and we as a family are planning more opportunities of travel and memory making! Not to mention that in three days I am headed back to the beach for an all girls weekend! Can you say fun!?!?!  All because I am feeling better. (Thanks be to God!) The plan for the future is for me to remain on the pain regimen I am on and to continue on this chemo drug until it no longer provides me with positive results AND, last but not least --- to keep making memories with my loved ones! Physical results will be gaged with a PET scan. A date has not been set for the next PET scan, however I assume it will be in the next four to six weeks. The memory making will be gaged by pictures and smiles you will see on Facebook!

So, keep the prayers coming. Know that I am grateful for each of you. I am thankful for the gift of life and for six months of living with cancer. And I am not taking for granted one day. I have learned in this  journey that we need to slow down, make memories (because they are what last), laugh more, take pictures, print the pictures, put the pictures on display, hold hands more often, tell people you love them, and hang on! Cause life is hard, but God is good. And I pray that as each of you journey in this life that when life is hard you will see the goodness of God and know that I am thinking of you, praying on your behalf and trusting that God will see you through. Cause life may be hard, but God is good.

Love and Thanks for each of you - Jessica
PS. I promise to keep the blog updated better in the future!

Bracelets of Emotions

When we went to MD Anderson in Houston, they had counselors available to help parents and grandparents talk to children about their family member having cancer.  They gave us some great resources and an age appropriate book bag for each of the children.  In Misty, Jesse, and Justin’s bag was a stuffed animal to cuddle with and talk to, a treasure box to paint and put all their good memories in and emotion bracelets.  There are five bracelets.  There is a yellow one.  On the outside of it is a smiley face on the inside is written the word happy.  The red one has a heart and the word loved.  Blue has a tear and the word sad.  Worried is convey with a cloud and is on the green.  And a lightning bolt and the word angry on are the black bracelet.

Today we sat down with the children and explained that Jessica’s cancer has gotten worse.  That the medicine is not working.  They asked questions and you could see their eyes redden and tears begin to collect in them.  (I once told Jesse I could tell what he was feeling by the way his eyes changed.  He immediately went to the mirror and looked in it opening his eyes wider and turning his head this way and that way to examine them.  Finally he turned to me and said, ”My eyes didn’t change they are still the same color.”  LOL! He is so literal.)  You could see the emotions in their eyes as they flooded their hearts, minds, and souls.   

I explained to them that the bracelets were a way for them to share how they were feeling.   So I asked them to put on the bracelet that represented what they were feeling right now.  Jesse sat there and played with them but couldn’t decide what color to put on, what he was feeling.  Finally he choose black, anger.   A tear drop of sadness was Misty’s choice; but, Justin he put on green, blue, black and red.   I laughed and explained once again the purpose of the bracelets and told him to put on the one that said what he felt.  He looked at me with teary eyes and said,” I feel all of these things except the yellow one.  It is happy and I don’t feel happy right now.” Worried, angry, sad and loved!  A mix of emotions. 

Cancer is a devastating disease, not just for the toll it takes on a person physically; but, the emotional and spiritual stress it creates on a whole dynamic of family and friends is overwhelming.  A crisis or stress of any kind can do that.  It seems to bring out the best and the worst in people.  Not worst in the sense of mean or bad; but worse as in it seems to intensify everyone’s emotions.  Worry, angry, sadness, frustration, fear, doubt, and love are all amplified and mixed together.

We all had sensed Jessica wasn’t getting better.  She was still losing weight and still needed blood every two weeks, still feeling sick and nauseated.  We just didn’t want to hear this week’s report.   The disease has continued to progress.  The tumor in her kidney has grown by about 15% and there are spots on her liver and on her lung.  We had thought the medications were doing their job of slowing down the cancer and maybe it did.  But, the cancer is still every active and aggressive in her body.  Worried, angry, sad, frustrated, fearful, doubt……and love.

For years we have worked with Justin to teach him social skills, to understand emotions and feelings.  And now he understands them perhaps even better than we do.  We are a mix of emotions and fears even as we try to move forward and live life in a time of uncertainty.  Perhaps Jessica said it best, “Our God turned water into wine and fed thousand with some crackers and wine.  Let His will be with my life.  God is in control and I am confident He loves and cares for me in a mighty way.”  Loved.

We are loved, loved by God, loved by each other, loved by family, loved by friends and loved by the church.  And when nothing else can express what we are really feeling, when nothing else can convey our hope and confidence it is His love.  Love conquers all.  You are loved!

¹⁶  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in
him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

John 3:16 (NIV)

Good News or Bad News?

Jessica and Jason made it to Augusta today.  It was challenging getting started; but ,Jessica did relatively well traveling that far.  Hopefully, this means she will be able to make some other trips soon like to the beach and to Walt Disney World.  While the news today wasn’t exactly the news we wanted, there was some good news.  The trial will not benefit Jessica.  They are doing everything they can for her.  There is no new growth. So is that the good news or the bad news? In life there are things that seem like good news and things that seem like bad news.  We judge situations and circumstances from our limited perspective of the moment.  

I went into labor early.  We had looked forward with excitement to the day; but, we hadn’t expected it to be so soon.  I was only 34 weeks.  It was probably just Braxton Hick’s contractions.  I had had them a few weeks before; but, being first time parents we rushed to the obstetrician's office.  The doctor smiled and sent us home no need to worry they are just Braxton Hicks.  Real contractions will grow closer and closer together and won’t stop. 



Jessica is the one on the left.  At this point she was several months
older than the newborn on the right

We stayed up all night timing the contractions.  They were fifteen minutes apart, ten minute, twenty minutes, five minutes, thirty minutes. So, is that good news or bad news?   Finally in the early morning hours exhaustion drove us deep into sleep.  We slept through the alarm clock and woke up five minutes before my husband was supposed to be at work.  Bad news.  He rushed around throwing on clothes, muttering under his breath.  “Well, at least we made it through the night,” he said as he grabbed his lunch and dashed out the door.  I waddle toward the bathroom and just as I heard the door slam shut my water broke!!  Good news or bad news?

This was before cell phones so I yelled out for my husband to come back like he could hear me from a block away.  I waddled my way back to the bedroom and picked up the phone and called his work.  “Is Gene there yet?”  Duh, of course not, he just left and we lived 15 minutes away.  I calmly told his boss….“TELL HIM HIS WIFE IS IN LABOR AND TO GET BACK HOME NOW!!!!” 

Jessica was born six weeks early.  She was in respiratory distress.  The doctors were not sure if she would make it.  We could send her to a neo natal intensive care unit in Columbus that could treat her; but, she might not survive the trip.  Good news or bad news? For five hours they worked with her to stabilize her enough to transport her.  Finally, her father, a specialized nursing care team and Jessica boarded a helicopter and were transported to Columbus.  

She had a traumatic and difficult beginning.  She suffered and almost didn’t make it.  Her lungs were under developed.  She was on a respirator.  They shaved off all her beautiful hair (which didn’t grow out again until she two years old.  We had to glue ribbons on her head so people would know she was a girl.)  Good news or bad news? 

Looking back on it now I am struck by the realization of how blessed we were.  There was a specialty nursing team available.  Fort Benning was not in the middle of maneuvers and so they provided a helicopter team for FREE to transport the team and Jessica. (We never could have afforded to have paid for the trip.) Did that mean everything was perfect?  No.  Jessica had numerous health issues over the years that may have had something to do with her premature birth perhaps even her cancer now.  Who knows?  But God was with us giving us strength, hope and wisdom. 

We live in a society addicted to bad news.  Newspapers, news stations, magazine shows feed off of bad news.  Even our weather reports are fashioned around the possibility of bad weather… “And now, Action News SEVERE Weather Team.  Today it is going to be sunny 76 degrees with a cool breeze”  Severe Weather really?!?! While bad news seems to “keep people’s attention and make advertisers dollars,” bad news leaves God out of the picture.  Bad news promotes fear. Good news promotes faith.

Today we got good news!  Jessica is on the right medication regime for her cancer.  We have done everything we can to be sure that it is the right treatment.  It is doing what it is supposed to do. We have faith that through it all no matter what happens God will be with us.  He will give us strength. He will give us His wisdom.   We have His Hope!.  And, we are going to focus on that!

Bad news or good news?  It is a matter of choice.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8

 

Building a Bridge of Hope

For Father's day, Jessica and her brother, Chad, decided to give their dad a beautiful Thomas Kinkade print.  Not an original painting mind you, (holy mackerel the price for one of those is more than our annual salaries); but, a beautifully framed limited edition artist proof. The week of Father's Day, Jessica was in the hospital so Chad went to pick it out.  As he walked around the gallery he found an Elvis Presley's Graceland painting.  He considered purchasing it.  His father is a huge Elvis fan. (I mean huge!  Our dog is named Elvis and Gene listens to the Elvis radio station ALL the time.)  Thankfully, it wasn't available!

Then he spotted "The Bridge of Hope."   It is from Kinkade's Bridges of  Inspiration collection.  Thomas Kinkade writes:

        The Bridge Of Hope is as stable as the massive granite flagstones that form
        its arch and will stand for as long as the quicksilver brook rolls down from
        the hills beneath it. A magnificent white dogwood, symbol of the purity of
        God's grace, shades the bridge. Its over-arching boughs remind us that, while
        we stand on the Bridge Of Hope, we are enshrouded by the loving embrace
        of our creator.

 

 

Instantly he knew it was the right one.  You see, what many of you may not know is that this has been an extremely challenging year for our family not just because of Jessica's illness.  In January, Jessica's father, Gene, was diagnosed with Early On Set Alzheimer's.  Later that month her sister, who still lives at home, had to have surgery.  In February, Gene had to have emergency neck surgery and we had to cancel a mission trip.  In March Jessica was in the Hospital, April she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Renal Cell Cancer, June she was in Houston and July she was back in the hospital in Newnan.(We have decided to skip August, September, and October!)

We have a very strong faith; but, life has a way of piling up.  There are more days at the end of the month than money.  You need a root canal and tooth implant.  Your boss just brought you in a project that is due in a week and you are suppose to go on vacation tomorrow.  The car is making a noise.  The kids are making noise.  The dishwasher has sprung a leak. The in laws are coming this weekend.  You are late leaving work and your kids have a ball game in twenty minutes.  Your parent's health is failing and you are beginning to wonder if they might have to move in with you.  And so it goes on and on and on....  You keep looking for a break but there doesn't ever seem to be one.  You try to find a way around the challenges until you realize the only way is to "get over it."  But, the "stuff" is so deep you would need a bridge, a bridge of Hope!

As I look at the painting it seems as if the brook begins in the clouds. It moves slowly and gently down the mountain as the light of God dances across it.   Ezekiel 47 says a stream of living water flows out from under the altar.  I imagine this stream beginning in the hands of God flowing out from under altar through the church and out into the world, growing in abundance as it moves.  It is lined by beauty as flowers blossom in vibrant colors.  Trees spring forth with graceful drooping leaves.  The pathway to the bridge shimmers with the golden light of God's love and it leads right up to the bridge.  The bridge arches over the tumbling stream to a place of promise and hope. 

We all need a bridge of hope, a person of Hope. "He is my safe place and my tower of strength: he is my God, in whom is my hope." Psalm 91:2   Hope is not wishful thinking.  It is confident trust.  We trust God! But, life has been getting in it's licks and we needed something to anchor us. To show us the shimmer of God's grace in our lives right now.  To show us that God is still working for a favorable outcome.  And, we may have found it this week!

Jessica's doctor has identified a drug trial for Jessica.  A drug trial is the concluding stages of the testing of a new drug regime for a specific treatment. In the trial, typically, there are two groups of patients.  Both groups receive the standard treatment.  One group of patients in addition receive the new drug regime.  The other group receives a placebo. (It is a necessary way of evaluating the real potential for a new medication.)  This trial in particular has already been going on for a little while and is showing great promise in treating and SHRINKING advanced renal cells.  This may be our bridge of hope. Jessica and Jason will be going to Augusta for an interview and evaluation to see if she qualifies for the program on July 24. If she qualifies she will be put on a waiting list.

You have been asking what you could do to help.  Here it is!  PRAY for this visit.  Pray that she will qualify. Pray that she will not have to wait to start the program.  Pray that she will get the medication and not the placebo.  Pray that it is a success! 

God answers prayers. He has and is answering our prayers.  We are thankful for all that He has already done for us and are confident He is continuing to work for us building a bridge of Hope.  He is building one for you too.  You will find it first in His word and in His presence. And in the people He has placed around you to "enshroud" you with His loving embrace.  Thank you for embracing us with His hope!

In the Hands of the Great Physician

Written by Jessica

This week Jason and I ended a thirteen day stay at the hospital. During our time there we encountered numerous doctors and nurses, techs, house keepers, pharmacists, charge nurses and support care staff. Each had their role and task in our care. They each used their skills and abilities to care for my needs. Doctors often consulted together; nurses dispensed medicines; techs cuffed me for blood pressure and kept the famous pink hospital jug filled with ice.

Now, no one role was more or less important in my care. Ultimately, each working together created a regimen that is managing my symptoms. For medical care I am truly grateful. Thirteen days was certainly tiring, frustrating and overwhelming, not to mention I missed my girlies. I have to remember though that we are blessed to be able to receive care and medicine as modes of healing and wellness. I am so excited to be home having had my medical needs meet. And I am grateful for the medical professionals who helped make that possible.

During my hospital stay I was also comforted by the sustaining verses found in Exodus 15:26 where God says, "I am the Lord who heals you," and Jeremiah 30:17, "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds."  With these powerful words from scripture I recognize that while medical professionals have been gifted with knowledge and abilities to bring healing and while they have offered me care, (healing, wellness,) they are not the ultimate Healer, The Great Physician, or The Curer of of all Disease. 

In a recent conversation I with Dr. Assikis (our physician at Peachtree Oncology), his assistant, and Jason, I boldly asked the doctor a harsh question, one I thought I wanted to know the answer to. "For a person in my condition, for the stage of cancer that I am in, what is the life expectancy?" I anticipated lots of different numbers, 4 years, 3 years, 2 years. But, the answer was, "six to eighteen months." WHAT! The wind was blown out of me, the tears came deeply from within and my heart was burdened in deep chocking pain. Six months  to a year and a half, that's it. I know my cancer is aggressive. I know I am stage 4. I know that at this point tumors have not begun to shrink (while there doesn't appear to be any new ones (Praise GOD!)) I know that there is not a cure for Renal Cell Carcinoma. But a six months to a year and a half, that's all?

This is not fair. How can this be? Lord, are you sure? My doctor quickly reminded me that this is the average person. He said to me, "Choose to not be the average. Choose to let your faith lead you. Believe that you will be healed.  Keep the faith. Keep looking for treatments and trials, and new medicines with us; because, there is only one who knows the time frame of our lives."  And, Dr. Assiskis humbled admitted, "And I am not him!"

I have struggled the past few weeks with this new knowledge. Six months,  Twelve months, 365 days, 4,380 hours, 262,800 minutes, millions of precious moments, but, that’s not much time to make and save up a life time of memories that I want, that I thought I would have. I just knew I would prom dress shop with Savannah and Ella. I would hate their first boyfriends, and discipline them for their first speeding ticket. I would plan the most grandest of weddings. I would travel with Jason. We would grow old and fat together. And now, now, you are telling me my life expectancy is six months to a year and a half. What do I do with this knowledge?

How do I live in the reality of medical knowledge and the diagnosis of a doctor and yet in my faith and belief in miracles and healing and "All things are possible with my God?" Let me humbly admit that I am scared. I am mad. I am sad. I am overwhelmed. I feel alone and I wonder if I really have enough faith.If I have a only six months to a year, then you know, I want a plan. How can I do everything I thought I would have a lifetime to do in a year? But, what if I have more than a year?

God is a God of miracles...He is the Great Physician, I could be the above average person, I might not be the above average person. How do I not think every day, this could be the last time I do this? or that? How do I manage the feelings of despair I feel when Savannah asks me, "If I will teach her to drive when she is 15?" and I know the answer is no. Oh, I have so much to work through and to consider. What knowledge do I cling to, medical knowledge of trained professionals, or with faith that maybe they are wrong?!?!?

 As I have debated these questions I am reminded of the lyrics of a wonderful Casting Crowns song, "Already There."

From where I'm standing
Lord, it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me

I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are going to play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory

'Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

And so in the midst of all my questions, in the reality of knowing I have a six months to a year and a half to live according to all medical knowledge and with faith in the Greatest Physician I am trying to remain trusting and thankful for a loving, omnipotent God who can see further than I can and who can and will "work all things together for my good." (Romans 8:28) I will trust that all the chaos will come together in His hands like a masterpiece.

As I do just that, I ask that you pray for me. For Jason and the girls, for my family and friends. We all are trying to process what we know in our heads and hearts. Support us please with your prayers, presence and love. I do not know what the future will hold, but I do know I am choosing to try to live abundantly, for my God has called me to to such! I will spend every moment I can with friends and family. I want to go out to dinners with friends. I want to go to a Braves game, I want to stay at the beach for a week. I want to take the girls to the Coca Cola museum, the Aquarium, Wild Animal Safari. I want to travel somewhere for a a romantic weekend with my husband. I want to eat chips and dip until I can't eat anymore. I want to be with friends. I want to worship with my family. I want to spend every moment I can with loved ones and friends.

Join me in this journey of a lifetime! I love you all and can't wait to make some wonderful memories with each of you. Call me!! Invite me! or I'll track you down! Pray with me and for me, encourage me, love my family, and together may we conquer whatever tomorrow holds.

The Nausea of the Ebbs and Flows

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz! Oh, what a relief it is!  What a relief it is to have Jessica back home; but as you have probably been reading on the Facebook page she isn’t getting any relief.  She is in the hospital with terrible stomach issues.  This has been going on now for five days and it has taken a major toll on Jessica’s system.  Her electrolytes are all out of whack (that is an official medical term used by her doctor).  Her phosphate, magnesium and potassium levels have been extremely low.  Her hemoglobin has dropped and they have given her two units of blood.  She is malnourished and extremely weak. 

It is hard to know if this is the result of an infection or chemotherapy.  Either way she is extremely sick and miserable.  There are many times in life when we are sick and tired of circumstances and absolutely totally unhappy.  During those times you just want to give up.  Throw the towel in and walk away. And there are days even Jessica feels that way.  But life isn’t based in circumstances.  Or at least it shouldn’t be!

Misty and Savannah chasing the waves. 

Life rests in the hands of the creator and it is a series of ebbs and flows.   The phrase ebbs and flows originates from the movement of the tide as it races in and then recedes back, as it rises and falls.  It is kind of like taking two steps forward and one step back or some days taking one step forward and two steps back.  In the context of life it speaks to the resilience of a person who not just survives but thrives through extremely difficult times and when everything seems to be working out right, through all the ebbs and flow of life. 

Jessica is resilient but only because of whose hands she rests in.  It is there that she finds real peace.  Not that God is going to make everything easy just because we prayed.  But because she knows he is still in control of the white caped waters of the sea that threatens to drown her.  Sometimes the crash of the waves is deafening but there is still a peaceful rhythm to them that washes away the dirt and despair of the seashore.  In the whirling of the wind is the sound of God’s voice calling out to us to remind us the power of the wave is weak in comparison to His power and might. 

 

Told you I have ridden the waves!

God is stronger more powerful than the mightiest wave, more commanding and potent than cancer. And just when you think that a hurricane wave of life is about to crash over you, you realize that in it is God’s love and grace washing over you, cleansing you, filling those empty places of despair.  How do I know?  Because, I have been swamped by the waves of life.  I have felt like I was drowning and to feel His power holding me up.  I have been strengthened by His love through people like you.  I have rested and cried in His arms.
If you feel you are being tossed about by the waves of life stop.  Don’t let them make you miserable and sick to your stomach.  Quit looking down.  Flip over on your back.  Float! Quit fighting life and look up to the creator.  He will teach you to ride the waves! 

Matthew 8:24-26 (NIV)
²⁴  Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. ²⁵  The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" ²⁶  He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the

 winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

 

P.S. We thank you in advance for your understanding but currently Jessica is too sick for visitors.  We will let you know when she is ready to receive guests. 

 

The Blesssings of Being Home

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! 2 My soul yearns, even faints,
 for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. 3 Even
the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may
have her young-- a place near your altar, O Lord Almighty, my King and my
God. 4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.

Psalms 84:1-4 (NIV)

Jessica and Jason are home!  I am not talking about them coming home to their house in LaGrange.  A house is a building with four walls, a roof and a door; but a home is a place where people live and experience life together.  A home is a pleasant and safe place to come to at the end of the day.   Some houses are small, some are big.  Some houses are jazzed up, some need a little work.  You can live in a big spacious exquisitely decorated house, but if you have no one to love and share it with, then it's just a plain house no matter how fancy it is. Poor or rich, no children or a dozen children, it's what you put into the house that makes it a home.  It’s who you put in it!

Even before they arrived the heart and soul of many was being put into their home.  Friends from Newnan First United Methodist Church filled their empty pantry and fridge with home cooked meals, desserts (Oh my goodness that pound cake was delicious – Oh wait, that was for Jessica and Jason…I only had a small piece.), and easy to cook prepackaged meals.  The voices of their children, Savannah and Ella, and Jessica’s siblings rattled the rafters with joy at being together.   Hugs and tears where shared as once again we were able to see and embrace each other again.

People have started stopping by to offer support and love.  The Sheriff's Department of Troup County built a wheel chair ramp and planted flowers at the front entrance of the house. This gift makes it possible for Jessica to get in and out of the house. And the Sheriff and Deputy Sheriff even stopped by recently to let Jason know they were there for him (He works for the Troup County Sheriff’s office.)  Other individuals and friends brought pizza and sat around and just talked with them.  Friends have played with the girls, watched them in the swimming pool, and helped with the girls, laundry, and more.


MD Anderson and Houston are wonderful.  We are so thankful for the medical care and expertise that Jessica and Jason found there.  But, it just isn’t home.  Coming home was hard.  There were fears and concerns.  Would Jessica be well enough to stay so far away from her doctors?  Would she be able to get the right chemotherapy here?  Would she be able to keep the house clean?  How would she be able to manage and care for the girls?  How would Jason be able to keep up with all the house work and laundry (neither of which he enjoys at all!) and work full time?!?

Family and friends have been there!  Not that it is as perfectly clean or kept like Jessica would have kept it.  But, they have turned the house into a real home, a place where life is experienced, hugs and tears are shared.    Together is always better.  You have brought Jessica and Jason much comfort, encouragement and strength. 

Thank you for welcoming them HOME!!!  And please feel free to continue to visit, call, send cards and encourage them, because its together as family and friends that life makes sense.  

Confessions of a Multi-tasker

She can recruit a volunteer for VBS on the phone, while checking emails on the computer, pull materials for a confirmation class,  tell an individual who is walking by her office that she will be there in just a few minutes, all while making notes about a family birthday party, planning the summer calendar and putting on makeup. And that’s just a typical five minutes!   Jess is a MAJOR multi-tasker, over achiever.  She is always taking on one more job or responsibility. She’s not very good at saying no to any request and she is a perfectionist at heart.  (I suspect I may be partially to blame.)  She likes doing more than one or two things (or three or four things) at a time.  She thrives on it. 

Ringing the bell after completing her final radiation treatment!

She is even a multi tasker when it comes to cancer.  Most people take radiation and then start their chemo; but not Jessica.   Jessica’s cancer is so advanced they decided to do both at the SAME TIME!  It has taken a toll on her body.  She is nauseated, can’t seem to keep food in, weak and feels like she is dehydrated most of the time.  She has been to the ER for fluids, had a port put in and just completed her last radiation treatment. Today, her platelets were to low for her to receive chemo. They will check it again tomorrow and if  it continues to be low she will have to have another blood transfusion. 

While the doctor visits, treatments  and tests are a a busy whirlwind of activity.  It is still a singular focus.  Recently Jessica told me, “Mom, out here our whole lives are all about the cancer.  Everything is about cancer.  Where I go, what I can eat, or can't eat, how to manage this or that, how not to do too much or too little.  I don’t want my life to be all about cancer. I don't want cancer! She has worries and fears. But she recently enjoyed and shared this passage from Jesus Calling that meant a lot to her. 
 

"It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts

 about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation,

 to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like

 ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go you way (each task of course),

you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your

focus from the problem (task) to My Presence. Stop all of your striving, and

 watch and see what I will do. I am the Lord!" {Jesus Calling - May 21). 
 

 And so with vigilant hearts and devoted prayer, we can't wait to see what God will do! For He is Lord. 

This weekend Jessica and Jason are coming home.  And as we have said Jessica is a multi-tasker, but you also know that she loves being around people, being with people, talking to people.  And I hope that you will come and see her.  This Saturday and Sunday though we would like to reserve for family visits and transition time.  We ask that you respect this request. After that she would welcome your visits. And I know she would be thrilled to be distracted and to get involved again in activities as she is able.  Simply call her before you come to be sure it is a good time. 

May we all be reminded that  "yes" , Jessica has cancer. "Yes, it is an aggressive form of cancer. And "yes", this scares her and us and maybe even you. But, now is not to time to focus on the task, but on HIS PRESENCE. "What then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all  - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 

Make Up and Pearls

One day while Jessica was still in the hospital she decided she was going to get up and get out of the room.  For the first time in a week, with help, she got dressed, straightened her hair, and put on make up.  Instead of getting in the wheelchair she pushed it out on the floor and felt invigorated.  And, if you know Jessica, of course, that wasn't enough.  She was going to push herself as far as possible.  She pushed the wheelchair to the elevator; went downstairs and she pushed it all the way to the exit door.  At that point, I insisted she get IN the wheelchair.  I rolled her out into the sunshine and fresh air for the first time in days.  Others were enjoying the outdoors as well. I pushed her up to some chairs and sat down beside her.  Soon we struck up a conversation with a man whose daughter was also at MD Anderson.  He looked at Jessica and said, "You don't even look sick."  Now mind you she was in a wheelchair and we were rolling an IV pole with five IVs going.  "But I am.  I am very sick."

This week Jessica had her second chemo treatment and her third radiation treatment.  They are radiating her lower back from hip to hip.  It is a very intense and aggressive radiation.  Jessica's abdomen is swelling and pants are uncomfortable.  Yet everyday she

gets up and gets dressed puts on her make up and her pearls!  Jason doesn't get it.  He says why don't you just put on sweats and a t-shirt,  what more could you need?  We all know he's always been one to  "love to get dressed up  :)"   Jessica on the other hand (and since she was little wearing 3-4 outfits a day. much to her father's dismay)  is going to look her best when she goes out in public no matter where she is going. And although she is very sick, despite "not looking like it," you will find her in pearls and make-up!

It is somehow appropriate though that Jessica should wear her make up and pearls.  Pearls are made out of adversity.  A grain of sand gets into the "stomach" of the oyster and causes pain and irritation. To ease the pain the oyster begins to envelop the painful irritant with a liquid.  Layer upon layer it smooths out the rough edges and turns its pain into something valuable and beautiful.

Make up and pearls are Jessica's way of beginning to smooth out the rough edges of something painful and heartbreaking into something valuable and beautiful.  Each day things are getting easier. Today the girls, their daughters, will arrive in Houston.  Just in time for Mother's day! (Thank you Nana and Papaw. :) )  She will complete her radiation on May 21.  She will have her third chemotherapy treatment on May 24.  Somewhere along the way they will put a port in place.  And then on May 25 we hope will return home!  That's right, she is coming home!!!  The edges are smoothing. 

She will continue chemo treatment in Newnan once a week.  And return to Houston the end of June for three days of followup scans and medication adjustments.  This routine will continue every six to eight weeks UNTIL a cure is found! And while we search for a cure and as Jessica continues to live with hope and peace, and pearls and make-up choose this day how you will live.


We may not be able to choose what life throws at us but we can choose how we respond.

 Jessica, Jason, their families and friends with God's help are going to turn this experience into a beautiful pearl!  And, it is our hope that many will see in that pearl a reflection of God's glory and grace.

 ²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Genesis 50:20 (NIV)

*Ladies on Sunday - wear pearls!!!!!
(with whatever you are wearing as a reminder of one of Jessica's favorite Bible verses,

"You are all together  beautiful, my sister, there is NO flaw in you." ~ Song of Solomon 4:7 

In Living Hope,

Mom

It Isn't Fair!

Yes, we have cried.  Yes, we hurt.  Yes, it has been hard.  It is hard.  There are times when we doubt, fear and frankly, when we even feel angry.  Our emotions are real and mixed.  They change from one moment to the next.  Sometimes we feel strong, confident, hopeful.  Other times we …..  well, you know.  They are the same feelings you are experiencing.  You see we are just like you.  We are not some super spiritually gifted family with this super picture perfect faith.  We too struggle with living out our faith and belief in the midst of life's circumstances and tragic events.

IT ISN'T FAIR THAT JESSICA HAS CANCER!!

Guess what? Life isn’t fair.  It is hard.  No matter who you are.  There are  reasons, but they are the ones we  don't want to hear: genes, physics, biology, natural selection, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the choices we make, and the choices others make. The universe is quite indifferent to our plight. But there is one who does care, who hears and who is big enough to handle all of emotions and feelings..  In fact He is the one who gave us those feelings and emotions.

Mandisa puts it this way.

You don't need to run
You don't need to speak
Baby take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek
It maybe tomorrow
You'll be past the sorrow
But tonight it's alright

Just cry
Just cry

It doesn't mean you don't trust Him
It doesn't mean you don't believe
It doesn't mean you don't know
He's redeeming everything.

Our feelings and emotions are the very things that help us understand our need for Him.  And when we give Him our emotions, our feelings, our heart and soul He redeems us and everything we experience in our life. He turns even the most difficult circumstances into something positive.  

This blog is proof.  It has been viewed over 34,000 times all over the world including Russia, France, Germany, England, Australia, Austria, Canada, Italy, and South Korea.  Never would we have ever had the opportunity to share with so many our faith, hope and belief in the one true living God.  I don't know how people get through life without God.  He is our strength, our confidence, our peace in the middle of the storm.  And HE is our unwavering hope! We continue to pray and believe in healing and we walk confidentially forward in trust knowing that even this God is redeeming.   

¹⁰ Give ear to me, O Lord, and have mercy on me: Lord, be my helper.
¹¹ By you my sorrow is turned into dancing; you have taken away my clothing of grief, and given me robes of joy; ¹² So that my glory may make songs of praise to you and not be quiet. O Lord my God,

 I will give you praise for ever.

Psalm 30:10-12 (BBE)

In His Peace,
Sheila