Emergency Room: UPDATE! We are home!

I once had a sign that hung by my front door that read, "The good thing about living in a small town; is that when you don't know what you're doing someone else does!" And so it is true, as we all know.

However, the town knowing isn't always a bad thing...I want to update everyone ("the town") who has called and text both Jason and myself in the last 24 hours and those who may not already know. We spent some time yesterday at Piedmont Newnan Hospital ER. I have felt tired and weak for over a week as well as battled "chemo mouth" which made it difficult to eat and drink. These side affects seemed normal as I HAVE started the new chemotherapy treatment as well as a new anti-seizure medication.  I simply assumed that I was to have to endure these affects until my body became adjusted to the new regimen.  Wrong!

Yesterday I was quite fatigued and thought an earache might be a culprit to some of my energy loss.   I went to my General Physician for what I thought would be an antibiotics hand out and to my surprise my blood pressure was shockingly very low. Knowing the difficulties I had experienced the past week with side affects the doctor ordered 1 liter of fluids in an attempt to raise my blood pressure and ensure I felt better.  After the fluid was received by blood pressure remained low.  My General Physician determined that I needed to address my antibiotic need (told ya!), could benefit from a mouth wash to aid in battling the chemo mouth, and finally I needed more fluids.

We made it to the Piedmont ER at about 7:00pm last night. Once again, my blood pressure remained low. I received fluids, all my levels were checked and things looked good. Except - I was severely dehydrated. I needed fluids and I needed to eat and drink more. My body is trying hard enough to fight the cancer that it is truly tired. We received last night a restart.

We made it home about 3:00am - slept till 7:00am and now I sit. My instructions have been to watch the blood pressure, don't lift a finger (opps - I'm typing!), and drink and eat A LOT.  So my friends here is how it will go from this moment on...God WILL be my strength and help - ever present; you guys WILL keep the prayers up for God hears the prayers of the faithful and we shall ask and it shall be given and I am gonna try to enjoy eating and drinking and rest, allowing my blood pressure to travel to healthy levels.

So, now we all know. And I am ever grateful to live in a small community that does know what is going on in my life AND because they do - they love, serve, pray, encourage, call and care! And for that I am ever grateful!!!!

Love is louder than cancer

Dear precious blog readers! I am very humbled by the outpouring of your love that is visible in your posts, "likes", calls, cards and phone texts. I want you to know that I have read your posts, seen your shares and your likes. And Jason has filtered phone calls and texts, and shared them with me also. A quote I have saved on my refrigerator door was given to me on an amazing gift and the quote reads, "love is louder than cancer!" And today I have found this to be more true than ever. Your heavenly cries for prayer, your friendly reminders of your presence and helping abilities, your fountains of encouragement and your countless offers to help in anyway: have spoken LOVE LOUDER than Cancer. Thank you. In times when we didn't know what was going on, whether it was 2:00am this morning of 6:30pm this afternoon we knew you all were loving us. We knew you were cheering us on all in the name and will of the Father!

Here then is a medical recap of what is going.
I have had many tests, CAT scan, Chest X-ray, EKG, Urinary Analysis, MRI, and an EEG.  Each of these tests were to seek to answer the questions, and "did I have a seizure?", "and  if so why?" These tests have revealed that there are no cancer metastasis on or in the brain. This is good news! The EEG did reveal seizure activity, but we are still uncertain why.  Further test including a spinal tap will be done this morning in an attempt to give us some answers.  I will receive a second blood transfusion and hope to be discharged this afternoon.  Thank you for the prayers, calls, and text.  I may not be able to respond to each of them but know that I have read each of them and am grateful.  Excited to go home!

Jessica

Answered Prayers and Latest Developments!

Good Evening Friends,

This past Friday morning, at a bright and early 8:45am, Jason and I met with my oncologist, Dr. Assikis. The purpose of the appointment was to take note of my blood levels, address some significant side effects and hopefully to review results from the bone marrow biopsy done four days prior.

Jason and I have shared with many of you that my most recent CAT and Bone Scans have shown stability with no new cancer growths with the bone or on any other organs. While this is still the case, the bone marrow biopsy did provide additional discoveries that were at best, difficult to hear.  I do have visible growth of cancer cells in my bone marrow. As it stands now 2/3 of my bone marrow is bothered with cancer. That then means that 1/3 is left for all other blood functions. This finding answers why I have not been able to produce red blood cells as well as maintain healthy blood levels. But this finding also challenges a peace I had found in "stable". Now, in the words of Dr. Assikis, "we have lost control of the cancer." And all of you who read this and know me, know I like control. I like stable. I like knowing what is to come. I like to plan for it, what ever it is. And the news of cancer growth was not what I had planned for. Well, really none of this since April 2013 is what I had planned for, envisioned, or even saw coming. But here I am Lord, what is next Lord?

This finding of new cancer in the bone marrow combined with the side effects I have recently been experiencing has led Dr. Assikis to make a change to my chemo regimen. With this change in the  chemo prescription and with the modifications of a few medicines Assikis says that "he remains hopeful that now that we have been shown an area of concern as well as determined how to manage side effects that we have the resources to take back control of the cancer." He remains hopeful. 

 Later in the day, I was sitting down at the kitchen table. The girls had not returned home from school yet, so I was soaking up a few minutes of quiet reflection. Thinking about the day's events, I turned to scripture looking for any kind of affirmation, peace, or guidance.  God blessed me with these words from Philippians.  I have not read them with much attention apparently in the past, but today they were blaring off the page. "I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God's provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out of my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as  always Christ will be exalted in my body." (These bold words are for me "feeling" words, they just make me feel what the other words around them are saying.)

And so there you have it...Friday's news was not cool. I am bummed.   BUT -- I will REJOICE for I know that through YOUR prayers and the provision of the Holy Spirit everything that I am going through will one day be made good. I will be physically redeemed. And believe me I eagerly await that happening (some days more than others) and as I wait I will try to be hopeful and never ashamed but instead courageous and bold that Christ may be exalted in my life and the story of my journey. So, here's to today and tomorrow and the many more days to come! And here's to having good days and bad days! And here's to each of you for your faithful companionship, encouragement and love. 

"Now to him, who is able to do immeasurably more than we can think of or imagine, within his will for me..." Ephesians 3:20 

God, come and show off in me! 

Meals are More Than Food

Friends,

Last night our family dinner was wonderful. It was full of sharing, laughter, silliness, good manners, GOOD food, information, conversation, catching up, TOO MUCH food, excitement, joy, and love.  Sitting with my loved ones made my heart swell with love, happiness and hope.

However, the special meal last night had me thinking about the value of a "regular" meal. You know, maybe not that Friday night pizza treat, or Sunday after church feast, but those meals that have to happen to keep families fed, and bodies strong and life going. These "regular" meals seem to happen every night; sometime around 6:00, the children appear famished and desire to eat!

As a wife and mother I understand that the meals my children and husband eat do matter. I mean, they will get hungry every day. And  every day that I can I want to serve my family by providing their evening meal. Not sure why this task has become so important to me, other than I know when a meal is made and family has gathered around the table, memories are made. Surrounded by good food and seated together is when laughter happens, instruction and encouragement are shared, tears can be healed, celebrations happen over good news shared, behavior charts can be good or bad, and over spaghetti or taco a memory is etched in my girl's hearts forever. See why I think meals are more than food!

With that understanding, I want to admit that due to a recent increase in side effects affecting my mobility, daily strength, stamina, and walking, some days preparing a meal for my family has become a challenge. There have been days I have not been able to make the meal that is more than food! I have had to let go of expectations I had given to myself to provide such a service and gift to my family. In doing so, I have been sad. I want my family to eat well and good, I want us to be able to sit around the table and relish about the day, I want my children to try new foods, and enjoy old favorites - but I can no longer always provide that for them. My heart hurt. I just wanted to make a meal for my family; I wanted to feel as if I had served my family faithfully in this small way.

And then God moved! Friends began to re- ask me how they could love on our family and help me. I quickly realized that "yes", family meals were one important aspect of my life where I needed and would cherish the help.  A call came and church members and friends offered to serve our family by providing weekday dinners. Those who love us (YOU - who are reading this!) were wanting to help in a tangible way and many have already signed up or brought meals already. And I want each of you to fully understand, the food you have prepared has been fantastic. We are being spoiled! Desserts, casseroles, pot roast, homemade goodies galore. It has been a gift. But what many who have and were or are willing to prepare a meal for my family to enjoy on weekday nights,  is that while a human physical need of my family is met by your meal, you also give this mama's heart joy. You give an assurance to me that I don't have to do it all. Your meals show my girls that our friends and church family love us and will always be present for them. This they will need in latter years to and in some perhaps even soon - you have just planted early seeds. Your meals keep my hard-working, truly good husband a break from having to fill-in when I can't. With your meals you show love. You show care. You show help. You and your meal show us Jesus! Thank you!  Your meals have been more than food!!!

To continue to help out by providing meals, or if you haven't had the chance to sign up yet check out this link and sign up. (www.takethemameal.com - you will need a login name (shocker! It is Newsome) and the password is 2015). www.takethemameal.com And a big shout out to Angela Chambers for getting the online schedule started! You are awesome!  We look forward to seeing each of you at our house door, with your sacrificial goodies!
Thank you again. I am blessed.

With all my love - Jessica

A Gift for You...

* Friends I wrote this blog over two weeks ago. I thought to myself many times, "WHO WANTS TO READ THIS??" And yet I have had three people come into my house and speak to the sign I mention below. I took this as a prompt to share my thoughts with you. Today is also happened to be a good reminder to me. Please read and may God speak to your heart, encourage you and comfort you. My love to you all! 

As I sit on the couch in my living room and write to each of you tonight I have a perfect shot of a sign that I recently purchased at a yard sale. It reads, “Everyday is a gift.” Let me say that again “Every day is a gift.”

You mean, the days I wake up with neck muscles aching, and legs tingling – these are gifts. You mean the days I wake up with cancer pain and a nauseous stomach – these are gifts. You mean the days that children test boundaries and I want to change my name from “Mommy” to something else – these are gifts. You mean the days the bills come in and I wonder how we will pay for this one – these are gifts. You mean the days friends call me with heartaches to share and my heart breaks with them – these are gifts? YES!

The days I hear the girls sing a praise hymn while playing with horses  - Are these days gifts? The days I am pain free and able to cook dinner for my family – Are these days are gifts? The days that the sun shines beautifully on the leaves –  Are these days are gifts? The days friends call and share laughter – Are these days are gifts? The days we make a memory that will last a lifetime –Are these days gifts? YES!

Yes – each and every day is a gift. For God’s word reminds me, “Every good and perfect gift comes from above.” – James 1:17 Every day is a gift from above. Every day is an opportunity for a new fresh start. Every day is an opportunity for new hope, new healing, love, grace, forgiveness, and joy! Scripture also says that our God desires for us to have “life and have it abundantly.” May we all seek to remember that every day on this earth, good, bad, or hard – are each gifts from God.  We are to enjoy each day to the fullest. Take time to make memories, see the small stuff, notice that the world is beautiful and your family even more so! “Today is the day the Lord has made,” – no matter the circumstances! “let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Today I rejoice and am glad --- for those that have not heard, my most recent cancer scan came back with some great news and not so great news. GREAT NEWS first --- ALL glory and honor and praise goes to God the father for there are no new cancer tumors! And those present have shrunk any where from 10-70%. Additionally the mass around the kidney looks sloppy! Which is good. Bad news, or not so great news is that I have a fracture on the L3 vertebrae of my spine.  This fracture is more than likely the result of weak bones due to the cancer. We are in conversation about what is next for this concern. It is painful and is the culprit of some hard days. But, each day is a gift. You all are gifts to me. And we will face this obstacle and the remaining cancer as we have thus far. With the power of prayer, the belief in a miracle, with love and support and God will do a good work!

Please know I pray for each of you and while I am perhaps the worst blogger (I never blog and they are always too long)! I am grateful for each of you. For your support and your love. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I am still fighting a mighty disease. We still have bills to pay but are down my income. We still have to figure out how to address the fracture. And we have to meet the prayers of my girls every night – “Lord, make my mommy better.”

Remember today is a gift. A gift I am thankful to share it with each of you! Thank  you for being a part of this journey. LOVE to each of you.

Jess

This life is not for the weak!

I was told this week by a sweet and spiritually strong friend that this life is not for the weak. She herself recovering from a small medical procedure was speaking to her journey of healing and the difficulties she had faced. But, how true! Life here on this earth IS NOT for the weak. In fact it can often be difficult, scary, unknown, lonely, disappointing, challenging, saddening, and overwhelming. Now, I know and do not take for granted that life on this earth can also be exciting, joyous, blessed, beautiful and so much more. But, let's be honest, sometimes life is just hard! Point blank, its more difficult than we want it to be, more stressful than we need, more sad than we ever would want and more scary than the best haunted house. Finances, health concerns, family relationships, work, school, raising a family, managing a business, chauffeuring children, taking care of aging parents, doctor's appointments, and telemarketers all insure that life is hard. (well, maybe not telemarketers, really - but they have annoyed me lately! :) )

Life for me the past six months has been hard. It has required extreme prayer, lots of encouragement, family and friend support, many doctor visits, and did I mention lots of prayer. Six months ago I was diagnosed. Six months ago I was forced to think about things I thought I could think about later in life. Six months ago I was crushed, scared, and overwhelmed. Six months ago my body was consumed with pain. Six months ago, I did not know what the future would hold. But, just as life has been hard, God has been so good.

I am ever grateful as we have reached this six month mark that God created each of you. Because life has been hard. But, you have quickly come to my side, prayed for my healing, held a fundraiser, bought a t-shirt, raffle ticket, bumper sticker, bbq plate or a cross, fed my family, offered gifts of your finances, called me, sent me a card, text the prayer pager, stopped by for a visit, or sent me a Facebook post. And in each of these gifts of your love I have been encouraged, strengthened, and loved. I have been reminded that while life is hard, God is so good. God is my provider, my strength, my hope, my peace, my comforter, my love. Someone said to me a few weeks ago, "How did you get loved so quickly by so many?" And while I truly do not know the answer to that question I am ever grateful first and foremost that I have a God who loves me and who in my weaknesses makes me strong. Second, I am grateful for the love of Christ that has been shared by each of you. I am truly, truly, humbled that you have loved me in my hardest time. Thank you.

I am currently on a second chemo treatment. The first choice of an IV drug administered weekly was a difficult drug. It was hard on my body, and was not proving to slow down or stop the cancer growth. However, this second treatment is a three pill regimen each day. With it (and the power of God and your prayers!) I have felt stronger, and been enabled, managed pain and had the opportunity to "do" more.  In fact, our family has been to the beach for a week of fun, restoration and memory making (thank you to the angels that made that possible!) Because I have felt so well, Ella and I have each day together and we have made more messes and memories than I would have before my diagnosis. Savannah and I love to visit the pool as often as we can, and we as a family are planning more opportunities of travel and memory making! Not to mention that in three days I am headed back to the beach for an all girls weekend! Can you say fun!?!?!  All because I am feeling better. (Thanks be to God!) The plan for the future is for me to remain on the pain regimen I am on and to continue on this chemo drug until it no longer provides me with positive results AND, last but not least --- to keep making memories with my loved ones! Physical results will be gaged with a PET scan. A date has not been set for the next PET scan, however I assume it will be in the next four to six weeks. The memory making will be gaged by pictures and smiles you will see on Facebook!

So, keep the prayers coming. Know that I am grateful for each of you. I am thankful for the gift of life and for six months of living with cancer. And I am not taking for granted one day. I have learned in this  journey that we need to slow down, make memories (because they are what last), laugh more, take pictures, print the pictures, put the pictures on display, hold hands more often, tell people you love them, and hang on! Cause life is hard, but God is good. And I pray that as each of you journey in this life that when life is hard you will see the goodness of God and know that I am thinking of you, praying on your behalf and trusting that God will see you through. Cause life may be hard, but God is good.

Love and Thanks for each of you - Jessica
PS. I promise to keep the blog updated better in the future!

Bracelets of Emotions

When we went to MD Anderson in Houston, they had counselors available to help parents and grandparents talk to children about their family member having cancer.  They gave us some great resources and an age appropriate book bag for each of the children.  In Misty, Jesse, and Justin’s bag was a stuffed animal to cuddle with and talk to, a treasure box to paint and put all their good memories in and emotion bracelets.  There are five bracelets.  There is a yellow one.  On the outside of it is a smiley face on the inside is written the word happy.  The red one has a heart and the word loved.  Blue has a tear and the word sad.  Worried is convey with a cloud and is on the green.  And a lightning bolt and the word angry on are the black bracelet.

Today we sat down with the children and explained that Jessica’s cancer has gotten worse.  That the medicine is not working.  They asked questions and you could see their eyes redden and tears begin to collect in them.  (I once told Jesse I could tell what he was feeling by the way his eyes changed.  He immediately went to the mirror and looked in it opening his eyes wider and turning his head this way and that way to examine them.  Finally he turned to me and said, ”My eyes didn’t change they are still the same color.”  LOL! He is so literal.)  You could see the emotions in their eyes as they flooded their hearts, minds, and souls.   

I explained to them that the bracelets were a way for them to share how they were feeling.   So I asked them to put on the bracelet that represented what they were feeling right now.  Jesse sat there and played with them but couldn’t decide what color to put on, what he was feeling.  Finally he choose black, anger.   A tear drop of sadness was Misty’s choice; but, Justin he put on green, blue, black and red.   I laughed and explained once again the purpose of the bracelets and told him to put on the one that said what he felt.  He looked at me with teary eyes and said,” I feel all of these things except the yellow one.  It is happy and I don’t feel happy right now.” Worried, angry, sad and loved!  A mix of emotions. 

Cancer is a devastating disease, not just for the toll it takes on a person physically; but, the emotional and spiritual stress it creates on a whole dynamic of family and friends is overwhelming.  A crisis or stress of any kind can do that.  It seems to bring out the best and the worst in people.  Not worst in the sense of mean or bad; but worse as in it seems to intensify everyone’s emotions.  Worry, angry, sadness, frustration, fear, doubt, and love are all amplified and mixed together.

We all had sensed Jessica wasn’t getting better.  She was still losing weight and still needed blood every two weeks, still feeling sick and nauseated.  We just didn’t want to hear this week’s report.   The disease has continued to progress.  The tumor in her kidney has grown by about 15% and there are spots on her liver and on her lung.  We had thought the medications were doing their job of slowing down the cancer and maybe it did.  But, the cancer is still every active and aggressive in her body.  Worried, angry, sad, frustrated, fearful, doubt……and love.

For years we have worked with Justin to teach him social skills, to understand emotions and feelings.  And now he understands them perhaps even better than we do.  We are a mix of emotions and fears even as we try to move forward and live life in a time of uncertainty.  Perhaps Jessica said it best, “Our God turned water into wine and fed thousand with some crackers and wine.  Let His will be with my life.  God is in control and I am confident He loves and cares for me in a mighty way.”  Loved.

We are loved, loved by God, loved by each other, loved by family, loved by friends and loved by the church.  And when nothing else can express what we are really feeling, when nothing else can convey our hope and confidence it is His love.  Love conquers all.  You are loved!

¹⁶  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in
him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

John 3:16 (NIV)